One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When his wife asked him why, he replied, “Well, she still hasn’t used the gift I bought her last year!”

And that’s how the fight started.….

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My wife walked into the den & asked “What’s on the TV?”

I replied “Dust”.

And that’s how the fight started.….

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
‘

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.
‘

And that’s how the fight started.….

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that’s how the fight started.….

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I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

‘Somewhere I haven‘t been in a long time!‘ she said.

So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’

And that’s when the fight started.…

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.
‘

So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.
‘

And that’s when the fight started.…

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started.….

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.
‘

He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’

‘Nah, she can order for herself.
‘

And that’s when the fight started.….